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MLCC Thoughts - Honest Communication

Too many relationships have been destroyed from lack of honest communication.  I see it all the time.  Neither party is truthful in their interactions completely, and finally the lies bubble to the surface.  Those lies, that each party hoped would remain secret, are revealed in all their ugliness.  Lies cannot remain hidden forever.  The truth will come out.  It only takes time.

Being honest in communication requires humility.  There will be times when I must acknowledge that I was wrong.  It is ok to say it.  I am wrong.  Try it.  It does not roll off the tongue so naturally, does it?  It seems to paralyze the vocal cords.  Yet, humility is a solid foundation on which to build a relationship.  It seems counterintuitive, but admitting that I was wrong, when I was, is a crucial element in strong relationships.

Humility confesses that I am not perfect, and I admit it.  No one is seeking perfection in a relationship, because everyone knows there are no perfect people (although some may argue with me that they are—but they are not, and they know it!).  Strong relationships do not require perfection, but they do require humility.  I simply say when I have behaved poorly, I was wrong in how I responded, how I treated you, how I devalued you.  To say that I am wrong requires maturity.

Being honest in communication requires maturity.  I cannot act like a child and expect my relationships to be strong and satisfying.  I have to expect to hear things I do not want to hear, if the Other is being honest with me in their communication.  Not everything always goes my way, and I must be alright with that (I am not the center of the universe anyway).  It takes a mature person to properly handle disappointments in life.  I know, it is easier to throw a fit, but other than releasing a little pent up anger, it does nothing to strengthen my relationships.  Quite the contrary, it harms them.

Being honest in communication requires love.  Love for the Other in relationship means I desire the Other’s best, not just the good, but the best.  The best for the Other is truth.  Relationships that last the test of time can never be built on lies.  Lies are like the explosives used in the demolition of a building.  Lies tear down, they can never permanently build up.  It is not in their nature.  Yet, for some reason a person thinks that lying (i.e., I do not want to hurt the Other’s feelings) will somehow strengthen a relationship. 

Sure, I will be tactful when speaking truthfully, not desiring to hurt the Other, but I will still communicate honestly.  I must, for it is the only foundation on which to build a relationship that will endure.  Lying is antithetical to love.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Loves rejoices with the truth.

There is too much pain and problems in relationships today that could be avoided, if only people were honest in their communication.  When I am not honest in communication, I am not humble, I am not mature and most definitely, I am not loving.

Honest communication.  It is freeing—no more reasons to hide.  It is strengthening—relationships grow stronger in the fertile soil of honesty.  It is nurturing—my love for the Other grows stronger as I am honest in communication.

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